my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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