I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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