She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize