You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
