What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
