Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
