You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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