It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
