Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
