He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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