please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I love you.
Bad choice
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
