If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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