Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
