Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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