Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
