I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
