dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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