How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
