It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
