If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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