I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
