how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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