you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
