He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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