Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
