So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
