just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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