so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
