I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
