Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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