apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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