Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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