you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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