Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Holy shit dude........stairs
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
