So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
