she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
