we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
