i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
