she woke up with a sticky ear
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
