Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
