I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
