SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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