I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
