i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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