So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
