No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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