Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Found the puke drawer
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
