do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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