Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
