grandma shit on top of the toilet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
